Internal Conflict of the Tormented Mind
by accidental-adventures
Summary: Brittany and Santana's first-person views on the same event. Possibly more chapters in the future.
1. Chapter 1

**Brittany**

You're the strong one, Santana, always the one who will fight to the death for the ones you love. You know what you want and you go after it, no matter what that means you have to do. I know that about you, I always have. But come here to me and just _be_ for a while. Just be here with me.

You don't have to put up that façade. You don't have to pretend. You can relax and smile and just be yourself. I see the way you are at school. Your face is hard, like the statues outside the museum on the other side of town. You don't smile, unless you're with me. It's like you don't want people to see the real you, Santana, the one I know so well. So just come sit down and be here with me.

I'll run my fingers through your dark hair. I'll feel your body sink into mine. As soon as I touch the stiff muscles on your shoulders, I know you'll relax instantly. I'll kiss the side of your neck, and feel your pulse through your skin, touching my lips. It could be so easy, Santana, to be yourself. So just come and be here with me.

I'm not sure why you're hiding. I'm not sure what's going on. But I know I'm the only one who will ever see the real you. If you were yourself, they could love you like I do. I know it's true. You always say I'm the smart one, so why won't you trust me? Will you do this for me, Santana? Will you come be here with me?

I would be right beside you, holding tight to your pinkie. You've always called me your anchor, and I'm not sure what that means, but I can be that for you. I could be whatever you need me to be. So come here, Santana. Come be here with me.

I'll pull you tightly to my body, and feel the way we fit so perfectly together. It's like your body was made to fit against mine, every crevice and every contour would mesh until we couldn't figure out who is who. Your entire body would relax as I hold you, protecting you like you've always done for me. And then I'll finally know you can just be yourself. You can always do that when you're here with me.

But there you are, standing so far away. You're looking at me like you want to say something, want to do something, but you can't. You can't let yourself go yet. The hallways are empty and you start to walk away. You glance back over your shoulder, sadness gleaming in your eyes. I smile tentatively and turn away. I wish you didn't care what everyone else would say. It would make it easier to love you, Santana. It would make things easier for both of us if you could just be with me.

* * *

><p><strong>Santana<strong>

Anything that goes wrong in your life, I'm there to protect you; I'm there to defend you. I made you a promise, so many years ago, to keep you safe from the outside world and from those who don't understand. So I'll be there for you, until the end, protecting you, Brittany.

You've always been the innocent one, the one who would believe anything they said. They call you names, they say awful things about you. I hear them in the hallways. _Stupid. Naive. Slut._ You never seem to notice, though. If you do, you would never tell me so. You never seem to realize they're making fun of you. You don't realize how much it hurts me, to watch them hurt you.

I have always been the one to fight for you. When others thought you were dumb or stupid, I stuck up for you, because what they don't realize is you're the smartest person in this school. Probably in all of Lima. You see things, Britt, like no one else sees them. You have eyes like a child, and most of the time it's not a bad thing. You can be so sweet to those who torment and mock you, and you take everything with a smile on your face. I'm not sure how you do it.

You always call me the strong one, but that's not true. I'm your protector, Brittany, but I will never be as strong as you are. You are the kindest soul I have ever met, and that's stronger than any strength you think I have.

I wish I could be more like you, Britt. I know how people see me: like I'm an awful person who is only going through life for herself. But that's not true, because I'm going through life with the thought of you in mind as well. It's always been you and me against the world, together, and it always will be.

I wish I didn't care what everyone else thought about me, Britt. I wish I didn't care about the talks and the looks and what they say behind my back. I wish it more than anything. But I don't wish it for myself.

I see you staring at me in the hallway now. I want so badly to run into your arms, hold you, and never let go. If only it were that easy. Instead, I turn my back to you, like I've done so many times already. I hate myself for it, I hope you know that, Brittany. I hope you know how much it kills me to do this to you. I glance back, hoping you would have turned away by now, but no. There you are, looking at me like you've never loved anyone else in the world. You smile, that Brittany smile that sends my heart into overdrive and I watch you turn away.

I see how badly I'm hurting you. Every day, I see the pain behind your smiling eyes. I understand what you and I have is special, but you don't understand how much it scares me. I want to be the strong person for you, Britt. I want to be better for you.

Someday, I will be. I promise.

**A/N: Hey guys! So I had this idea I would post small ficlets from both Brittany and Santana's points of view on the same event. Let me know what you think and if I should continue or not. I have a few more ideas for this, if I have the time!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Brittany**

Sometimes in the dark of the night, I can sense you. Even if you aren't next to me, wrapped together in the fuzzy duck blanket you got me last Christmas, I can still feel your hand on the small of my back. I can feel the rise and fall of your chest as you take each breath and slowly exhale. I can see the way your eyelids flutter when you're dreaming away, unaware I can see you. Everything is so close, so real, even if you aren't with me.

It's like I can feel you within me, Santana. Every breath you take, I can feel my lungs expand. With every beat of your heart, I can feel it underneath my skin. We're connected in some way, even if I don't understand it. Soulmates, I think they call it, because I can feel you within my soul.

I don't believe distance matters, at least not to my heart. It still yearns for you, no matter how close or how far. Whether you're a few streets away or a few inches, my heartbeat still beats in time with yours.

It's always been you and I against the world, San. Brittany and Santana. Santana and Brittany. Never one without the other. Our souls found each other early on and never let go. I think I gave my heart to you a long time ago. Maybe that's why they beat together now.

I keep tossing and turning in my empty bed, imagining you. You're probably curled up under your feather blanket right now, safe and warm at home, sleeping soundly. I'm sure you're dreaming, too. You always have such interesting stories to tell me; I bet you're dreams are extraordinary.

While I'm lying here, thinking of you, you're dreaming away without a thought about me. Peacefully sleeping while my brain won't shut down. I can only sleep if I imagine you next to me, our legs intertwined in the tangled sheets, holding each other so close not even a whisper could break through.

I close my eyes and curl around the imaginary form of your body on the right side of the bed. I can feel your arm around my waist, caressing the small amount of skin exposed on my stomach. Your other hand makes small circles on my temples, something you always do when I can't sleep.

_Sleep, Britt. I'm right here._

It's barely a whisper, so softly it breezes right through me. Maybe I can sleep now, San. With your heartbeat inside of me, maybe I can sleep.

* * *

><strong>Santana<strong>

Over the years, you and I have gotten used to certain things. Frozen yogurt after Cheerios practice. Tuesday night dinners with your family. Pinky links through the hallways. Goodnight texts, even if we saw each other only hours ago. Sleepovers.

It's the sleepovers I miss the most, especially on nights like this. I miss the way you would curl your body against mine in the middle of the night, just out of habit. You would wrap your arms around my torso and I would rub your temples to help you sleep. I could feel your breath, warm against my neck, slowing in an even rhythm as you drift further into dreamland.

Those are the nights I miss, Britt. When I lie in bed at night, alone, it's cold and lonely and my body yearns for yours. My stomach convulses when I see you in my mind, curled up inside that over-used duck blanket, sleeping alone and reaching out for me in your dreams.

You've told me before you can't sleep without me there, and honestly I can't sleep without you, either. It's difficult to even sleep in my bed, which is why I'm sitting on the bench in front of my bedroom window, looking out across the vast yard at the shadowy bushes.

Remember the summer when we were eight, Britt? The summer we nursed that blue jay back to health? We found it out there by the bushes, abandoned or forgotten about, its left wing bent at an awkward angle so he couldn't fly anymore. As I stood there, staring at this barely breathing living thing, you went into action. You gently picked it up, cradled it to your body, and brought it inside. You made a splint from a popsicle stick and wrapped it with cloth. The blue jay was still alive, and most likely survived because of you.

After its wing healed and we set it free, you cried. I pulled you close and you laid your head on my shoulder. I turned away so you wouldn't see my tears. It was that summer I knew I loved you more than anything else in this world. And I didn't want to see you cry anymore.

Things may have become complicated now, but that has never changed. Every time you curl your body against mine in the middle of the night, I can't help but whisper _I love you_ against the top of your head. I can't help but wrap my arms protectively around you, and never let go. My heart beats for you, Britt, and I feel like it's not mine anymore, but yours. You've overtaken my heart and soul. I think you call it Soulmates, but it's much more than that. I think God put me on this Earth to be with you and only you.

I walk to my bed and wrap up tightly in my feather comforter. It's colder than it should be, because I'm used to a warm body next to me. I imagine you tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep, and I instinctively turn to the left side of my bed, the side you would sleep on. I would put one arm around your waist and pull you close, gently rubbing your temples.

_Sleep, Britt. I'm right here._


End file.
